Never Forget

As a kid growing up in New Jersey and having family that lived in Brooklyn, New York my parents, sister and I frequently made the journey in to visit the family especially on holidays. The trip by car was a fight against traffic through Manhattan after emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel down the West Side Highway and into the Battery Tunnel. Before we entered the Battery Tunnel we would be alerted by my parents to look up from the back window of our Volkswagen Beatle at the “Twin Towers” as we called them before we exited the outside world for the dark underwater world we would be entering before we world see daylight and our Grandparents on the other side.

To me these towers were always there, the thing was that they were considered the new big buildings in the city. The Empire State Building was the old building that King Kong climbed in some old movie but these were the promise of the new future and the big business that was available to me, some kid growing up in the area. They were symbols of accomplishment and that I could do or be anything in this world if I put in the time and the hard work.

As I grew older and became more independent I would frequently drive-by, walk-by or even cut through these building without even a thought of the symbol that they stood for. I would make an occasional delivery into these buildings during one of my high school summer jobs and this was the only time I would get slightly excited that I would be in the area because it was always just an overly congested area I did not want to be around.

I grew up and moved away years later and although I love my old home and often missed it, when I would return I would be anxious to leave again because my personality was never one that enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the busy city. I love the action and the excitement but not the “rat race” that can be New York.

On March 25, 2000 my wife and I welcomed our first child and it is one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. I want everything for this little girl as much today as I did on the day she was born. Her birth changed everything about the way I live my life and as I have watched her grow I have continued to grow with her most recently changing the way I eat and increasing how active I have become so I will be around for her and to protect her from this world.

You see shortly after she was born those “Twin Towers” were brought down and I was left feeling helpless and like I could not protect her. I felt for a moment like I should not have brought such a beautiful little helpless person into this world and that feeling was awful. I have always tried to live without regrets and I did not want the one thing that mattered most to me be regret.  

I remember that day each year and the people I was with while living in Atlanta, Georgia. I remember my friend coming into my office telling me about the first plane hitting the tower and I remember the shock as I was watching the second plane hit the second tower. I remember locking down the club I was managing because we did not know what was going to happen next. I remember my wife arriving at the club with my baby daughter and her being worried about me. I can’t forget! I wish I could but I can’t.

One year later I returned on the anniversary of that event because I felt like I had to be there. As I emerged from the Battery Tunnel with my wife in the car on our way to Giants Stadium she asked me "where was the World Trade Center" I said very casually "I will pull over and show you where it was". As I pulled up to the curb and stopped the car I could see the construction wall that was placed in the area opposite the sidewalk. I opened the door of the car and jumped out of the car to see nothing! Nothing! I saw Nothing, I could not believe my eyes. Over the construction wall was open space...Nothing. I felt sick immediately. My wife said I turned as white as a sheet. Was I in denial for over a year? No, I just always had these two buildings over me, the shadows like a big brother looking over my shoulder and now they were gone.

I have family that are members of the FDNY and the NYPD and I also wanted to attend the opening of the NFL Football season as the Giants hosted the 49er’s. I was able to spend time with people that witnessed tragedy and loss over the past year and I saw a different place than the one I had left. I always thought that New Yorker’s got a bad rap as being rude and unfriendly but what I did see were people that were brought together and helped each other more than ever. There was always a love thy neighbor feeling about where I grew up but now the neighborhood was bigger. It was great to see and experience, the view from the top of the stadium was a sight and another experience I will always cherish as I looked upon all of the blue FDNY & NYPD shirts it was heartwarming to know we were all on the same team. I felt safe again and everything would be okay for me and my family.

This is the time of year when I hurt the most, I hurt for all that lost their lives on that day and I hurt for all the people that lost someone important to them on that day. This is also the time of year I wish I still lived there so I could do something to help anyone in pain anyone that needs a hand and anyone that needs a shoulder.